I have had no problem so far with cravings or eating food off of my plan. I am very lucky, as my coach has given me a cheat meal every Saturday, which I find harder to take than not. The reason is because after you have had food without sugar, oils, salt and well, flavour, you start to forget what they taste like and stop wanting them. I eat clean almost year round, and the only thing I change during a contest is the portions. So I would weigh my chicken, oatmeal, and rice only during an in-season; off-season, I eyeball my portions.
I find the workouts very intense. I lift as heavy as I can so I can stimulate growth hormone and get better results. I am still only on three cardio sessions per week, but because I'm a personal trainer, I get in more cardio working out with my clients. I am tired in the afternoon, which has left me taking 45 min naps daily on my break.
The hardest thing about contest prep is the lack of a social life. I am very routine laden, and find myself just avoiding social situations so I do not have any conflicts with food off my plan, or most of all alcohol — if anyone knows me, they know I LOVE wine. I am still able to have wine with my cheat meal, so I am trying to find things to do on the day I have my free meal.
I look at my body everyday in the mirror looking for any changes. I am actually gaining weight, and it is making me paranoid! I know that my body will put on weight in this phase, but it is so hard on my body image and self-esteem. I think to myself, who will want me 10 pounds heavier? No wonder I am single — I am fat! These are the distorted thoughts I have battled for 10 years, which led me to go to body image counseling in college.
I have to get myself on track and realize the end goal. Weight loss does not lead to happiness. I know this because my last show I competed at a whopping 112 pounds, and my first show I was down to 107 pounds. I still felt fat on the day of my show. This tells me weight does not lead to happiness, or high self-worth. I was still alone when I weighed that much, and I had no social life because I was always in the gym. I guess it's my coping mechanism for being lonely.
My favorite day is back day. It is such a great feeling to be able to pull some serious weight around! I love feeling strong, and seeing my lats flare out. I guess it's narcissistic, but that is what this sport is all about. I have been training at different gym locations to keep my workouts fresh and motivating.
I wish there was more drama to report, but I know that will come when my will power is tested a little more. I will be increasing my cardio next month, as well as making changes to my diet, I'm sure. There is no way I can continue to gain weight if I want to look good in June. I am predicting my trainer will cut my last two carb meals out, and increase my fiber. Maybe I will get some fats too!
Until next month, have a good one!